What's around the corner.

I spend a lot of time frustrated about what is or isn't around the next corner. As I'm heading down my path, my instinct is to anticipate the road ahead and what may be in my way. I set up expectations in my mind about what should or shouldn't be there, and how I will address those situations. I know, that isn't such a bad tactic, and my last post covered the concept of being ready for anything. But I have a habit of taking this too far. I can get so caught up in what I think should be there, that I become frustrated when it isn't.

And the same with people. Perhaps more so. I set up expectations of how they ought to behave. Often I find myself disappointed by them. And so much energy is spent in frustration that the result is me stopping in the middle of my path, and bellowing in anger over the injustice of the whole world for not following the most obviously rational course.

I am learning to notice myself in this place; notice how I lurch to a halt. I am learning to let go of those expectations, and respect the choices others make. I am learning to see beyond my scope. I am learning why I am so resistant to letting go of what isn't in my control.

So now I still routinely find myself standing in the middle of my road, bellowing out to the world about injustice, but there is a new addition. I have a person standing behind me now. When I say “That obstacle shouldn't be there, damnit!”; that person calmly says “Sure it is.” When I rage “Those people should behave accordingly!”; this person patiently informs me “No they shouldn't.” When I am stopped, seething and scared of not just knowing what lies ahead, but of not having control over it, this person gently pushes me forward and whispers “You can do this... you can keep going. You are capable of finding your way.”

I don't know this person very well yet, but I seem to have gotten his driver's license mixed up with mine.

Hazard Warnings

My favorite road sign is “Caution: loose rock ahead”. Sentimentality harkens back to a time when I have traveled through treacherous mountain passes barely two lanes wide with freshly shaved stone walls on one side and precarious drop-offs on the opposite. You know there is danger here, because it is obvious. The only things separating you from doom is a small shallow water ditch on one side, and a strategically placed band of dandelions on the other. And yes, loose gravel does sometimes end up on the road, but you are going so slow it is never really an issue. As a child I always thought it meant a boulder was loose somewhere ahead and it was just a matter of time before it rolled down the mountain onto our luckless car. I kept my eyes peeled for the loose one, just in case.

The benefit of that sign is arguably dubious, though, because the dangers along the path outweigh the danger of these loose rocks which may be flung into the windshield of following cars. Perhaps more helpful is the “Caution: dip in the road” sign. Normal, unassuming roads suddenly beset with coffee-spilling, tongue-biting, back-jarring dips that would otherwise come out of nowhere. We are given the chance to slow down and mentally brace ourselves for the upcoming dip, which is typically significant indeed. What a helpful sign.

But life isn't always offering signs for the hazards ahead. And we all know the hazards can potentially be catastrophic. Lost jobs, health problems, accidents and more. Call them life-shocks; a shock to the system brought about because life happens. Sometimes there are signs, and even professions with tons of experienced people laden with research that can offer warnings. Sometimes, they show up when you least expect.

When you have a destination in mind, it is a pretty good idea to be prepared for hazards in the road. That isn't to say you spend all your time worrying about the snow-chains fitting properly as you plan a trip to the desert. No, I mean mentally. Be ready to make choices that could be tough. Be ready to accept the unexpected. Anger and frustration won't keep that dip from being in the road, or that loose rock from falling on your car. But accepting the fact it occurred will give you the mental and emotional space to begin looking for alternate routes, or take accurate assessments of the damage. When you have a destination in mind, you don't want to stop, but sometimes you may have to “Detour”.