I spend a lot of time frustrated about what is or isn't around the next corner. As I'm heading down my path, my instinct is to anticipate the road ahead and what may be in my way. I set up expectations in my mind about what should or shouldn't be there, and how I will address those situations. I know, that isn't such a bad tactic, and my last post covered the concept of being ready for anything. But I have a habit of taking this too far. I can get so caught up in what I think should be there, that I become frustrated when it isn't.
And the same with people. Perhaps more so. I set up expectations of how they ought to behave. Often I find myself disappointed by them. And so much energy is spent in frustration that the result is me stopping in the middle of my path, and bellowing in anger over the injustice of the whole world for not following the most obviously rational course.
I am learning to notice myself in this place; notice how I lurch to a halt. I am learning to let go of those expectations, and respect the choices others make. I am learning to see beyond my scope. I am learning why I am so resistant to letting go of what isn't in my control.
So now I still routinely find myself standing in the middle of my road, bellowing out to the world about injustice, but there is a new addition. I have a person standing behind me now. When I say “That obstacle shouldn't be there, damnit!”; that person calmly says “Sure it is.” When I rage “Those people should behave accordingly!”; this person patiently informs me “No they shouldn't.” When I am stopped, seething and scared of not just knowing what lies ahead, but of not having control over it, this person gently pushes me forward and whispers “You can do this... you can keep going. You are capable of finding your way.”
I don't know this person very well yet, but I seem to have gotten his driver's license mixed up with mine.
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